Two pieces of big time news for you guys today: 1) We just found Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure on YouTube!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and 2) you can now surf WITHOUT WAVES thanks to Onean's new electric board, once and for all solving your Tiburon-to-San Francisco commute.
Set to ship this month -- eight months after being announced at what must've been the coolest trade show ever -- Onean's Carver is a battery-powered board that uses a 4400W dual-core brushless electric motor (is that good?), axial water pump (that's gotta be good), and wrist control band to let you slalom over lakes/rivers/DIY pools at estimated speeds of 40+ mph (that's definitely good), all sans any actual surf.
The battery, which'll earn you mad daps from Captain Planet, charges fully in just two hours and gives you 20 minutes of full-throttle waveless surfing. Probably most importantly though, it's interchangeable, meaning you can pop in a second one while you recharge the first instead of badass motorboating for 20 minutes, and then reading Nintendo Power for two hours while it recharges, and then badass motorboating for another 20 mintues, and then re-reading Nintendo Power for two hours, etc.
And if you're wondering what else you could use this thing for other than your now oh-so-epic commute, here's a quick rundown of five things it could totally help with:
1. Dominating your dad in Marco Polo
2. Dominating Marco Polo at Marco Polo
3. Getting from one end of that pool in the outfield at Chase Field to the other end faster than anyone in human history
4. Impressing Phoebe Cates
5. Your next office trick shot video
Pre-orders for their second run of boards are already available online, with an expected ship date of THIS summer (June 2016).