Friday At Five - Chubbies Shorts

You Need a One-Man Bionic Shark Submarine. And You Need It Now.

By: Grant Marek
Seabreacher - Chubbies Friday At Five Seabreacher

Holey.

Fudging.

Ship.

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If you're looking to win summer, this right here is 100,000% how you do it: the Seabreacher is a semi-submersible personal submarine that 1) LOOKS LIKE A BADASS SHARK, 2) goes 50mph above water/25mph under it, and 3) LOOKS LIKE A BADASS SHARK SERIOUSLY GUYS ARE YOU SEEING THIS????

Fifteen years in the making, the bionic shark is manufactured in Redding, CA and weighs just 1,300+ pounds, meaning it can use a 260hp engine to literally whale-breech itself out of the water.

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As for the "submarine" part of the equation, it's less "dive! dive! dive!" and more "it can go under the water for short stretches," but honestly who cares. You're driving a freaking shark. Or a killer whale with a blowhole. Or a dolphin. Or a shark with an octopus on it. Or a sailfish. Because, whambamthankyouunclesam it's available in the shapes of all of those animals, too.

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Oh you want dope standard features? They've got those: there's a snorkel-mounted video camera, an iPod-compatible stereo system, LCD screens, and the ability to make literally anyone at the lake immediately pee themselves when you roll up on them.